My mother, Poppy Catherine Murray, nee Grice, passed away on 19 August aged 85 after a two year fight with multiple myeloma cancer. She had maintained herself in her own home until the last six weeks, and when she was eventually in hospital my brothers, sister and I took turns and were able between us to make sure that somebody was always with her. I last saw her on 14 August, and she never regained consciousness after that.
We faced the agonising decision of whether to come up and run the Doune the Rabbit Hole festival from 19 to 21 August. My son Jamie is Director, I run the bars and my brother Stuart supervises security. The festival is on a shoestring anyway and would genuinely have difficulty coping at if we dropped out at the last minute. It sounds a cliche, but we had no doubt Mum would have wanted us to go ahead with it, and we did so, leaving Neil and especially Celia to look after Mum. She finally passed away at 4.15pm on the Friday and we got the news literally as the gates to the arena opened.
I am sure many of you know from your own experience what a staggering blow it is, no matter how expected. Jamie was particularly struck. But the intensity of working through the festival was helpful – as usual I got a total of 7 hours sleep in 72 and Jamie probably less. The build, festival and takedown are extremely intense and this blog always disappears for ten days at this time.
Despite appalling weather, the festival was an enormous success and extremely well reviewed. I have always described it as life-affirming, and I could not have been surrounded by better people at a time of loss. The Scotsman review I think summed it up very well:
There is little doubt that Doune the Rabbit Hole is something special; a festival which is family friendly, extremely well-programmed and bearing a strong sense of localism in terms of its suppliers and its responsibilities.
And I was glad that the Herald noticed this:
Most mainstream festivals come under fire for routinely male-dominated programming, and could take a leaf from DTRH’s Sunday night line-up alone.
After two days assisting with the takedown, I left to go down to Norfolk again to make funeral arrangements and start to sift through my mother’s things. There can be no more lonely task in life, and the pain of looking through literally thousands of photos still lingers. A mother loves unconditionally. There were moments of joyous celebration brought back to life, wonderful times with grandparents and others long gone. There was a brilliant photo of my grandfather aged six, in an extravagantly braided costume, standing proudly with his drum in a Salvation Army band, his father beside him with his cornet. There were several photos of my mother’s beloved elder brother, who died aged just nineteen fighting against fascism. But most heart-wrenching were the photos which meant something to my mother but nothing to me, long ago people and places I did not recognise, memories now forever gone. And of course I was faced with my own life, stark and unedited, detailed minutely in 57 years of lovingly collected photographs. Neglected relationships, half forgotten friends, ex partners and so many people to whom I should have been nicer or whom I could have helped more.
I think I now have got to kick on with life.
We seem to be hitting peak Craig Murray. Before the hiatus of the last month or so, 40,000 people were regularly reading this blog and some entries were being seen by hundreds of thousands on this and other sites. My brief and simple demolition of Owen Smith is one of the posts that over a million people read, was massively retweeted and I think I can realistically claim had an early impact on the leadership contest. Indeed the general upsurge of interest in non neo-liberal thinking seems to have got me “discovered” by a whole new political generation and it has been an enormous pleasure to see evidence of people looking through the back catalogue of eleven years of posts on this little blog.
The film “The Killing of Tony Blair” turned out very much better than I expected. I really enjoyed it and have been very heartened by the large number of messages of congratulation I have received on my own contribution to it. Still closer to my heart, the documentary film “London Calling”, on the shocking BBC bias in the Scottish Independence referendum, has today been completed and I hope to have distribution information for you shortly.
The film rights to “Murder in Samarkand” have just been renewed, there is a new script and we now have very experienced and top rank producers, and while I do not wish to count chickens, we are closer to the film being made than ever before.
On Friday I am giving a talk to Edinburgh West SNP at 19.30 at Munro Community Centre, Clermiston and I am happy to say that this is just the start of what looks like a busy autumn of campaigning for independence.
Over seven years of effort came to an end on Friday when I signed off the final map for my new book “Sikunder Burnes – Master of the Great Game”, which will now be published on 22 September. It is being printed right now, which is exciting.
I never did get a chance to expand as promised on my thoughts about Chilcot, but this interview in Jacobin magazine did an excellent job in bringing out the observations which I was uniquely qualified to make from personal experience. I do urge you to read it.
On 24 September I shall be in Washington DC to present the annual Sam Adams Award for Integrity to John Kiriakou. It is typical of Obama and Clinton’s America that despite all Obama’s false election promises, the only man to go to jail over the CIA’s acknowledged torture and extraordinary rendition programmes was the whistleblower John Kiriakou, jailed for revealing state secrets.
Then on 20 October I have been summoned to appear before the House of Commons Intelligence and Security Committee to give evidence upon the same subject.
Finally, the apparent demise of President Karimov has meant that temporarily even the BBC has had to acknowledge my existence and I have a whole raft of mainstream media interviews lined up for tomorrow.
It has been a very difficult period for me and I am rebounding from it straight into peak Craig Murray. I would like to reiterate once more that everybody who participates in commenting on this blog is equally welcome and valued, and those who disagree with me are just as welcome as those who agree. The whole reason I do this is to stimulate thinking outside the Overton window, not to attempt to impose my own ideas.
I don’t think you have peaked yet Craig. Sincere condolences upon the loss of your mother, I am sure she was very very proud of you
Commiserations on the loss of your mother. There is never a good time however long and full a life has been.
Long may your peak last.
Keep up the excellent work, Craig.
The death of anyone one knows well, especially parents. is always difficult. Almost always, the quicker, the better.
Everyone here respects you even if they disagree on occasion.
Remember to mourn properly. ‘Kicking on’ with your life is not the way forward. Of course, life must go on, but giving vent to your emotions especially about one’s mother is essential.
Sincere condolences.
Sorry to hear that your Mum has died,behind you feels so empty without their presence when your parents die. but she must have been so proud to have raised a son that would stand up and speak out for truth no matter the personal cost
Deepest sympathy, Craig.
Also lost my mother this year. It’s a massive moment, and it will keep coming and biting you in the arse, for sure. Very best wishes from those of us who rarely comment but are very glad you’re around.
I visit my 94 year old mother twice a week at her home 40 miles away. I’m just leaving now as a matter of fact. She is still in great mental health but terrible back pain combined with a health service that judges her too old to ‘waste’ money on has made it difficult to leave home for any length of time.
She’s always cheerful and still a good laugh, but she’s had enough. She wants to go. She’s not morbid, but if I joke about a telegram from the queen when she reaches 100, she shudders with horror at the thought. When my Mam goes, my sadness will be mixed with relief.
I expect your Mum had similar feelings. There’s a time comes when you are just waiting to die. I doubt your Mum would have wanted to linger. She saw her family grow up to be happy and what more can anybody ask for?
You have my heartfelt sympathy, Craig, but your consolation is that she lived long and died fulfilled.
Both our sincere condolences for your loss Craig, I felt honoured to have met your mum that afternoon. Also well done for getting your biography finished, so very much another film in the making, no doubt.
I’m sorry I could not make it up this year, I feel slightly guilty about it now, knowing what pressures you must have been under.
three cheers to peak Murray, I shall now have an early dram in honour of your mum, and another one for you.
My condolences to you and your family. It never matters how old our parents live to the loss is so very hard. Memories can be bitter/sweet but very lucky to have and to hold on to.
Good luck with all the work ahead and congratulations on the progress made.
I offer my condolences to you and your family over your loss too.
Keep going Craig but do look after yourself. I lost my mum last week. We all went a fairer and better future for the many instead of a grotesquely wealthy and irresponsible tiny minority. Your work is of enormous value in changing the world for the better and is greatly appreciated.
So sorry to hear about your Mum Craig. Condolences to you and your family.
I look forward to seeing “London Calling”
All them best
Condolences and welcome back.
We’re all here for you, supporters and dissenters alike. Please draw massive strength from that sentiment whenever you need it.
Very sorry, Craig. Best wishes to you and your family.
Craig my deepest condolences, on the loss of your mother, it is good though to see you’re keeping busy.
Craig said: “But most heart-wrenching were the photos which meant something to my mother but nothing to me, long ago people and places I did not recognise, memories now forever gone.”
I was the main carer for my grandmother during her final years. I was there when my grandmother died in her own bed at a ripe old age. I remember pulling back the bedroom curtains and seeing dawn come up over London. It all seemed so strange after the night time vigil before my grandmother passed away. After my grandmother’s funeral I was tasked with going through her belongings, and felt exactly the same as you describe here.
Dear Craig – condolences and all good wishes to you and yours. Congratulations too on your various achievements; your work is much valued and appreciated
Look after yourself. Love and hugs xx
Sorry to hear about your mum, Craig.
Peak Craig Murray sounds good. Thanks for everything that you’re doing – it is massively appreciated.
Dear Craig
My condolences to you and your family. Never easy to go on as normal in these circumstances.
All the best to you in your future endeavours. I learn so much from your thoughts and the ongoing follow up discussions.
Keep up the good work.
Heartfelt commiserations, Craig! I’m sure you know that your mother, and doubtless all the rest of your close family, would want you to continue with the uniquely useful work that you do, voluntarily. Go well, good brother. And blessings on your speedy healing from grief. Solidarity!
Craig, so sorry to hear about your Moms passing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Thank you for posting as it is difficult to keep in touch.
Again our condolences.
Craig – my condolences to your family. Keep going…your thoughts and published commentary is appreciated. AM
Yes, losing a close family member is a painful experience. Sorry to hear about it. All the memories of the good times come flooding back and you know you cannot relive them, which adds to the grief.
At least you are a busy man and that will help. Good luck with the book.
Dear Mr Murray. You give me faith in humanity and I appreciate reading all your posts. This is a very sad time for you and I send you my sincere condolences.
Thank you for that post and all your work. Condolences on your loss and good luck with the next steps.
Really sorry to hear of your loss, Craig.
Take care of yourself
I am so sorry for your and your family’s loss Craig.
Mair Jones ( who arranged the Caernarfon meeting where you spoke years ago)
I’m sorry to hear about your mother Craig. My heartfelt condolences.